I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
