I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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