and you said cock pushups were impossible
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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