It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
