HIV tests are more positive than that guy
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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