i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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