i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
