Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
