I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
