onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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