my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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