you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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