he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
