Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
dude. I can hear the air.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
