Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Randomize
