Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I've blown a few things in my day
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
