Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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