Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
