is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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