I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
