What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
