I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
