No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
