I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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