Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
