We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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