just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Randomize
