I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
