i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
