A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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