Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
