The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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