yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
