I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
