I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
