Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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