it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
