she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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