So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
