There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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