I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
