if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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