he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
