Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
