my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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