The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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