grandma shit on top of the toilet
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
