i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
