It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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