My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
