Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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