my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
MIDGETS
????
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
