just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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