my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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