smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
