Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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