...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
