i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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