babies were throwing up all over the place
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
