she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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