Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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