he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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