i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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