a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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